I would probably kill myself if my dad dying didn’t make me realize how painful it is for the loved ones we leave behind. I would never ever do that to my mom, or my sisters. What other reasons do I have?
For the first time in my life I can’t see anything in my future. It’s not that I don’t entertain positive possibilities, but, at least for the moment, they seem out of grasp and I’m paralyzed, stuck in my own mind. Should I continue living in this lonely city and maybe find another lonely soul to spend time with? Should I tune everything out and focus on my own transformation and development, hoping for a silver lining?
Should I move back to my hometown? That would be failure at its finest. The girl who beat the odds, got out of a drugged up youth and pursued an education. She was going to save the world – she was going to go to law school! She met the love of her life and they’re getting married! Oh, how lucky is she? What if people knew that throughout these years I have been quietly suffering at the prospect that I’m not good enough. I’ve never felt fully “in” anything. Always one foot in and one foot out.
No one will know. I’m going to continue on fighting my own demons as we all are.
Brand None 