how could i (5)

so many faces, have kissed a few
sickly woman is foolish because none of them liked you.

different tastes and distinct feelings aside,
they won’t admit to feeling close, sickly pride.

the first one, the one with the hair,
studied somewhere smart, wouldn’t be caught dead here.
initial night was months ago but has happened twice more,
don’t know why i’m doing this, his sense of passion is sore.

the second, there from the start with a heart of gold,
there’s no mental connection, so clueless – just does what he’s told.

next was someone so soft and quiet, i was nervous to move,
way too cautious and vanilla for me, i’ve since removed.
hours of small talk ended in “want to makeout or something?”
went through with it because fuck it and felt nothing.

the fourth is also the most recent,
we’ll get back to him – he’s decent.

the fifth is much more my measure in body and style,
pondered a quickie but actually stayed for a while.
all of the acts my garbage mind has so desired,
played out perfectly, this guy lit my fire.
from the hair pulling and biting to the blow,
to the way he choked me out while exploring below.
told me to turn over and called me a dime,
eyes rolled to the back of my head when his tongue was behind.
just a single night but sometimes there’s drunken texts,
to be honest we should be friends just for the sex.

back to number four because as i mentioned
this motherfucker is the most hungry for attention.
things with him are a little more complex,
i say this reluctantly but i think it’s about more than sex.
i’ve written about him before, my passionate one night stand,
starting to see he’s the most childish 31-year-old man.
he’s fucking someone else i know and we talk about it,
to be real that kind of discussion is my “let’s get off” shit.
He says it’s chill i’m not jealous, that i’m a cool girl,
that my brain is mad od dumb lit and i rock his world.
he invites me over for powder and some loving,
all we do is get into each other’s minds and start fucking.
but when i’m alone i feel the envy creeping in,
i switch that shit off cause there’s no way i’ll let him win.