I said aloud today, more than once,
“Why is this happening to me?”
I know the answer:
I drank like a maniac last night.
My brain had it’s own heartbeat, radiating inside my skull.
My lips felt cracked at the corners and my mouth yearned for water,
But my stomach was so empty I knew it would just come back up.
Today is my 25th birthday.
It’s the first birthday in a long time I wake up alone.
It’s 12:20pm. I already missed the morning plans I had made with my aunt and grandma who are visiting from the west coast. I decide to lie.
“I didn’t know this yesterday but a few of my friends surprised me with a birthday brunch at this awesome place I’m heading to now.
It’s hard to get reservations there and I didn’t know they made it until late last night. So can I meet up with you after Freedom Tower? I’ve been there twice already.”
There was no brunch. There were no friends.
I woke up after noon feeling like shit because I went out last night.
I went to the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet. Nothing was coming up.
Oh right, that’s because I forgot to eat dinner last night before drinking – again.
I threw myself a happy hour for my birthday. I sent out a calendar invite to all of the coworkers I like. A lot of them came out, which was nice, but I had no one to invite but the people that I worked with.
My two best friends who live in the area are out of town. Kaitlyn’s in Idaho and Phil went camping upstate. No hard feelings for Kaitlyn, but Phil knew this weekend was my birthday and decided to make plans with his new girlfriend anyway. But, no hard feelings for Phil either cause at least he has a girlfriend now.
Last week I found out Ray had a new girlfriend. Not that he just got a new girlfriend, but that they’ve been dating for months and it’s his coworker Gwen. I liked Gwen back when Ray and I were together. She’s a bitch now.
I also found out last week that the divorce is final. I’m going to change my last name back to Emery. It makes me think of my dad. Which reminds me, this is also the first birthday without my dad.
What a fucking shitty day.
Brand None 