Only here

I can catch the next one out
sell my furniture, pack my things
negotiate a permanent flex at work
have farewell parties with friends
I could be out by the month’s end
It would be California or Colorado
I like the way I feel in the west

I’ll no longer do 4am Friday nights
followed by hungover Saturday mornings
No more pizza by the slice down the street
and weeknight Seamless dinners by myself
Cocaine is not so prevalent in MT and PT
and maybe the boys are less concerned
with how things look and actually
in touch with how they feel

I could buy myself a car, a Tesla Model 3
become the only homeowner in my family
Go from a NYC 5 to a wherever-I-end-up 8
I could take up skiing or snowboarding
have a garage out back for me to splatter
paint on canvas without pissing off my
cranky NYC landlord

How much of this fantasy is true
and how much of it is a projection
Do I genuinely think I could be
someone else if I just left here
why do I yearn for the things I don’t have